Aftershock?

When I got home from work yesterday at 6 p.m., I took my Lexapro and Loestrin.  I took the Loestrin cause you’re supposed to take it ASAP if you miss a dose, and the Lexapro because I didn’t want to have trouble sleeping due to withdrawal.  Then, I took them both this morning, at the regular time, so I guess I have 12 hours of overlap with the two doses of Lexapro…  Could that explain why I’m feeling weird and anxious?  I’m sitting at my desk and my heart is beating really fast.  And I’m having trouble focusing.

Seriously, what has happened to me?

How did I get here?

Argh!!!

I am really annoyed with myself right now. I am 90 percent sure that I forgot to take my Lexapro and Loestrin AGAIN this morning.

My NTI is throwing off my morning routine — when I would usually take my pills, I still have my NTI in my mouth, so I have to go in the bathroom to take it out and rinse it. By the time that’s done, I’ve forgotten to take my morning pills and by the time I realize it, I’m on the train to work. Sigh. I will definitely get a reserve supply together to bring to work tonight, but for now, I’m just hoping to make it until I get home at 6 p.m. without flipping out. I’m trying all my HSP calming techniques — took a long walk, drinking lots of water, avoiding stress, but I’m starting to feel myself tense up already. I took a lorazepam about a half hour ago, so I’m hoping, praying that’ll get me through the day.

How did I end up NEEDING pills like this?

Oops, I did it again.

Just looked in my pill organizer, and guess what?!  I didn’t take my Lexapro or Loestrin (birth control) yesterday morning.  Might’ve explained last night’s insanity.  Yeah, I rock.  Anyway, it’s good to know there was a partial reason, but bad to know that I can’t go a day without taking those damn pills without having a semi-panic attack.  I am still feeling shaky but I’m starting to feel a bit better as the Lexapro gets into my system, I think.

After the dosage decrease… (and my ob-gyn visit)

As I mentioned in my previous post, I took 25 mg of Lexapro for the past two days, and now I’m down to 20 mg as of this morning.  Last week’s anxiety has dwindled, but I am feeling pretty lethargic and a little bit down.  I think that’s somewhat a result of allergies and my period, though.

I also went to my gynecologist yesterday, and my woman parts are all fine and dandy (with results from my pap smear pending).  I’ve been spotting since Saturday, and today my full-blown period started, so I was definitely PMS/DDing last week (and probably the week before, since my period was more than 10 days late).  My gyno said that the irregularity of my period, even though I’m on Loestrin 24 Fe, is not a cause for concern.  He said that some people are regularly irregular, and while he could switch my pill again, I shouldn’t be worried or anything.  For now, I’m just happy that I don’t have deathly horrible cramps or disastrous mood swings like I did before I was on the pill (and when I was on other birth control pills–i.e., Yasmin).  So, it’s good and bad news.  Sometimes, I almost wish they’d find something physically wrong in that respect, so they’d have something to fix.  Oh well, I know you have to be very careful what you wish for…

Update and Aunt Flow.

It’s Friday, and I’m reporting in with my Moodblog.  I’m at work right now, and I have a meeting in a few minutes, but I just wanted to post something while I thought of it.

I have been PMSing for a week or so, I believe, but NO PERIOD!  I’m on Loestrin-24 Fe, and that has been known to happen in the past.  Once, I didn’t have a period for 70 days, I think.  It’s not that I enjoy having my period, but it’s comforting to know that it’s the reason why I feel so crazy, ya know?  My period is horrible and painful when I’m not on the pill… or even when I’m on any other birth control, besides Loestrin… so I should be elated when I don’t have it, but it just feels weird (yes, I am sure I’m not pregnant).

At any rate, I’ve felt the need to take Lorazepam during the day twice this week, which I try to avoid, and I’ve gotten all teary about dumb things on a couple of occasions (e.g., when the dean of the college where I work asked me to make a certificate for someone, when I am not his administrative assistant, and I was supposed to be attending this event as an audience member, not an employee).  Anyway, I just wish Aunt Flow would get here and assure me that I am hormonal, not crazy.  However, since I’m on day 32 of my cycle at this point, I’m not holding my breath…

Aunt Flow is in town (surfing the crimson wave, etc).

I guess it’s time for me to talk about PMDD.  After years of cramps that almost caused me to pass out on several occasions, and mood swings that caused me screw up my life on multiple occasions, my gynecologist diagnosed me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).  It is incredibly hard for me to figure out how this ties in with my anxiety and depression, particularly because, even when I’m on birth control (currently, Loestrin 24 Fe), Aunt Flow just flies on into town whenever she feels like it–with no relation to whether or not I’m on the placebo pills or not.  Yes, I’ve been checked out, and I’m gynecologically (is that a word?) healthy.  I am just “normally abnormal” in this regard, and there’s nothing that can be done.

Anyway, today is day 21 of my cycle, and I randomly woke up bleeding (sorry for the imagery, and now I wonder h0w much of what I was feeling was PMDD/PMS.  How much is that, how much is the meds, how much is me?  The confusion alone is enough to make me go crazy!

Increasing dosage, joy of joys.

I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and complained that I’ve been kind of up and down, in terms of my anxiety.  Also, the Trazodone I was prescribed for sleep only a couple of months ago didn’t seem to be working as well.   He increased my Lexapro dosage from 20 mg to 30 mg, and my Trazodone from 50 mg at night to 100 mg.

For the record, I am also on Lorazepam for anxiety (1 mg per day) and Loestrin 24 Fe (birth control, but for heavy period purposes, not for birth control purposes).  I will share more about my history with these meds another time.