I’m not sure if this is the place for this.

But if not, what is the right place?

I’m 30 years old for a few more days.  There’s a lump in my right breast.  And I’m scared.  My gynecologist was very quick to point it out at my annual exam this Friday. It seemed like he barely touched it when he grabbed my hand and said “Feel that?”  I felt it.  I don’t know how I’ve never felt it before.

I guess I always thought my perky little boobs were small enough that I’d notice any kind of lump (or my boyfriend would) without really making a point of examining them each month.  Just like I thought it was ok that my annual exam was scheduled about six months late.  I still had enough of my prescription BCPs, so I guess I thought there was no hurry.  If something is really wrong with me, I’ll beat myself over that.  If nothing is wrong with me, hopefully I’ve learned my lesson.

I’m scared.

I called the specialist my doctor recommended immediately when I got home but I guess her office was closed for the day.  Hopefully someone will return my panicky call on Monday.  I want to get this over with, whatever “this” is ASAP.

I’m scared, but I’m surprising calm.  Maybe this is a testament to my anxiety meds or maybe I’m in denial or shock or something.  I think about the possibilities, and logically, I know that the worst-case scenario is unlikely.  But it’s now on my radar as a very real possibility.

I’m not sure what else to say at the moment, but I wanted to say something.

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