I work in marketing/public relations. Generally speaking, I’m a writer/editor for a university. I do some design here and there, but I was basically hired as a writer/editor.
I report to the Director of Marketing and Recruitment, and she reports to the Executive Director of Operations. Today, I went downstairs to the bathroom, ran into the exec director, and she asked me to go buy flowers for an event the college is hosting tonight. Now, my supervisor works on those recruitment events, but I don’t work with her on that at all. Never have, and she’s never asked me to, because it’s not in my job description. But the exec director just wanted me to stop working on the write-up I’m doing for a new degree program we’re offering, and run off to buy flowers.
I got THIS close to burst into tears. In fact, I did shed a couple on my walk to the flower place.
I have a freakin’ master’s degree. I am a pretty good writer, I think (even though it doesn’t show here), and I am pretty damn smart, if I do say so myself. This exec director was SUPER nice when she asked me to do this–just as she was nice when she asked me to decorate a bulletin board yesterday and make “Pardon our appearance–we’re renovating!” signs the day before. And she always says “thank you” and acts appreciative. So that’s good, and I do appreciate that. But I feel like… Does she think I’m her bitch now? Her administrative assistant or something? I’m probably reading into it too much, but that stuff hurts me, when it’s already a daily struggle to keep my self esteem up.
My supervisor is completely on my side, and basically said “wtf?!” when she heard I had to go buy flowers. I just hate being seen that way. I want to move up here, and I feel like I’m moving down, if anything.
So yeah, HSPs out there, any advice for not getting all teary when this stuff happens?
Your reaction is very familiar to me. It happens to me when I feel people think I am less capable than I am by asking (requiring?) me to do something an entry level person would do. I think it’s the snob in me! I never tell my bosses directly how much I do know, so many times I get (got) the “please get me a coffee” line. Part of me thinks, maybe they’re right, that’s all I can do. The other part of me says, I have more education than you (and I am most likely smarter than you). But of course, I never say it even in a round about way. This can be a problem. Built up resentment and built up feelings of “That’s Not Fair!!”
I think it is your superior (your supervisor’s) job to tell the Director that you have other projects that require your attention. You are not an assistant. Really, your supervisor could mention it to her so that she doesn’t get defensive.
Then, again, you could reframe it. Going to buy flowers is a great chance to get out of the office and take a moment for yourself. Moments for yourself are essential to HSPs. And doing bulletin boards can be very meditative. It’s a great time to work over the writing you are going to do on the new degree program. Cutting and designing a colorful presentation board can be really relaxing.
Finally, when the Director (or any other supervisor) gets to you, try and cross your arms in front of your 3rd chakra (solar plexus area). Then, turn your body a little off center. Don’t align yourself with the person whose “getting to you.” Keep his or her energy from getting you at your vulnerable spot. Also, try not to make direct eye contact with them…
But, seriously, I think you should approach your supervisor about it. Don’t just take her disbelief as a solution. She needs to defend you. It’s her job.
Good luck with this!
It’s me again! Funny — I just received this ezine from my life coach about work and HSPs.
Here’s what she says about what really makes it or breaks it for us in the work place. Is what your director asks of you fall into any of these areas? Interesting!
I hope you had a better day at work
Here’s my top-10 list of career “deal-breakers” for highly sensitive souls:
10. Constant deadlines and high pressure.
9. Poor compensation.
8. Toxic co-workers and/or professional cultures and rigid corporate cultures.
7. Managing others. Unless you know that you love this, it can be really tricky for sensitives to manage others.
6. Over-the-top work schedules. I recommend 30-35 hours per week at the most.
5. Lack of privacy and constant interruptions from co-workers or phone calls.
4. Bad physical spaces. For example: no windows, no daylight, presence of fluorescent lighting, etc.
3. Lack of respect for your sensitivity.
2. Lack of meaning or fulfillment.
1. BAD VIBES.
Jenna Avery, CLC
Life Coach for Sensitive Souls
Intuitive Coach, Reader, Mentor
web: http://www.highlysensitivesouls.com
Thanks for your insight, HSPWoman. What you say is always makes a lot of sense to me, and is very helpful.
Looking from a calmer perspective, I don’t think the Exec Director meant to put me down or anything. I think she just saw a need, knew that I work in the “marketing department” (even though event planning is not the area in which I work), and didn’t think I’d mind running out. The truth is, if someone had said, “Does anyone have a moment to run out and pick up some flowers?” I very likely would have volunteered to do so! I enjoy creative tasks and love flowers and making things look pretty. But it was just the fact that I was ASKED that hurt me, so I think you’re right, it is probably a question of reframing.
As for the list of career “deal-breakers”… I mean, yes, I guess a few of them apply to my job, but I think it could be a lot worse. My office is no longer in the basement, so that’s a definite plus, but I still have no windows, so I’m doomed to dealing with fluorescent lighting… However, I also have a SAD lamp, which gets me some “sun” in my office, and generally, as long as I have a LOT of light, I feel OK. I just don’t like to work in even slight darkness–fluorescent light or not. I have my own office, which is good, and not TOO many interruptions on most days. I work 40 hours per week, but my commute adds on two hours each day, which is unfortunate. But I use half of that time (when I’m on the train) to relax, read, and watch TV that I enjoy on my iPod, so I don’t mind it tremendously. Ultimately, I don’t want to deal with the commute forever, but I consider myself lucky that I never have to bring work home. My co-workers are generally nice. There is one person who causes me some anxiety and doesn’t really respect my sensitivity, but at least I don’t report to her! My direct supervisor is absolutely wonderful and I am very lucky to work for her.
So yeah, I am not sure any workplace will ever be perfect for me, until I can work for myself, which I would like to do someday. Working for a university, I have a lot of opportunities to learn more. I take advantage of those opportunities, in hopes of creating that perfect job for myself someday, using the skills I’m developing.
I guess, more than anything, I need to figure out how to deal with my sensitivity a bit better…
Hi,
I bumped with your site thru blogher… I may not be of great help, but i think the fact that you are writing what you felt is one way of medication already. Whenever I am angry, depressed or sad, i usually rant it out thru my blog.
Hope you will be fine dear…
I really like your blog. I ran into it through Blog Catalog. I really like your girl that you have posted. I am a manager myself with no college degree and I have people that I manage with Masters degrees and other degrees. However I struggle with social anxiety. I never heard of HSP or really thought much from that angle of things and I want to thank you for opening my eyes to a new avenue. I hope things go better for you soon.