This blog is a good thing, but the problem is that I haven’t had it for the past five years or so.

I mean, I sort of remember life before going on meds, and I remember when I was on meds that didn’t work.  I think I cried almost nightly.  I remember my boyfriend almost broke up with me (for about an hour, but still!) because he just thought nothing he could do would make me happy.  I remember having very little social life during grad school, because I just couldn’t deal with socializing, particularly when I was just so stressed about “proving myself” in a grad program that I wasn’t expected to succeed in.  Things were bad.  I was not functional, even though I don’t think many people knew…

But things are kind of bad now.  I’m at work, and I feel like crying because I think my co-worker is avoiding me.  It’s probably paranoia, or she’s probably having problems of her own, or whatever, but I just read into things too much (HSP?).  I also am feeling panicky because my boss just asked me to do something she’d agreed to do, which is due next Tuesday (and I’m taking a half sick-day to go to the ob-gyn on Monday).  Again, I still feel like I’m PMDDing, but no period, and I am now on day 38 of my cycle.

I have an inkling that I was feeling better two months ago, before my psychiatrist increased my dosage of Lexapro to 30 mg, but I’m not positive.  I don’t think it’s making me feel any better, that’s for sure!  So I guess I’ll see about going back to 20 mg.  Will decreasing the dosage put me through another hellish month, while adjust?  Probably.  Sigh.

The fun never ends.